Ever since I worked for Dr Gordon in 2003, I've wanted to take one. Neuroscience was recently bought out by Pharmasan Labs. The simple urine test shows what levels your 10 different brain chemicals are at. GABA, Norepinephrine, Dopamine, and several more. But you have to go to a Naturopath or a progressive doctor who will agree to receive the results. Most MDs won't carry the lab tests, because the large hospitals have service contracts with large lab companies like Qwest, who don't do the tests. You have to go through a particular lab.
The MD at the large hospital had just explained to me there was no such thing as a test to identify which brain chemicals were off balance. Because I had worked at Dr Gordon's office 10 years ago, I knew it was a lie. I always thought that was weird. They can tell you which pharmaceutical drug affects which brain chemical - like Celebrex affects dopamines-but they can't test you and tell you exactly what you need? They sit there and say, well, most Americans are positively affected by the drugs that increase dopamines, but you'll have to try it to see. You might need Zoloft or Paxil. Well, I've watched friends trust their doctors and take the prescribed medications only to endure weeks of sleepless nights and sweats and loss of appetite and loss of ability to concentrate, only to be told they need to try something else. Then they go through witthdrawal from that drug and all the pains of trying a new one. And we all hear about the side effects, most of which are actually intensified versions of your original symptoms. Like homicidal/suicidal thoughts or behaviors. I remember when Prozac first came out and people randomly started killing family members. Well the pharmaceutical companies went back to the drawing board and, funded by millions of dollars in research funding provided by the government, changed the chemical composition of Prozac by one molecule, renamed it Celebrex and remarketed it. I am continuously astounded that drugging the American population to death is promoted and allowed and legal,yet, taking a simple urine test to check the levels of your brain chemicals is taboo.
The therapist who administered the Beck Depression Inventory test and found me "Extremely depressed" told me she felt my depression was "situational", caused by the persecution experience I had recently had at the Jesuit University. She also told me to go straight to an MD and get a prescription. So, I did. I spent about 10 minutes speaking to the MD, who assured me when I asked that "there just isn't" a specific test to check people's brain chemistry, walked out with a generic prescription for Celebrex (Celexa) and a bill for $218.00. My route home just happened to bring me past the Naturopath's office and I decided I would finally bite the bullet and get the urine test. I was surprised by the results and really glad I paid the $225 to have the test.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Myth of the Day 3-13-2013
"If I exercise my will, there may be disastrous consequences."
I was right in the middle of thinking about how I'd love to open the front door and find warm sunshine. That made me have a split-second fantasy about moving. Then I had the above fear-based thought.
So, I can see that my egoic patterning is attempting to paralyze me into keeping the status quo and not make any changes.
Bringing these things to conscious awareness is the first step in eliminating them. In fact, it's probaby 90% of the battle.
I was right in the middle of thinking about how I'd love to open the front door and find warm sunshine. That made me have a split-second fantasy about moving. Then I had the above fear-based thought.
So, I can see that my egoic patterning is attempting to paralyze me into keeping the status quo and not make any changes.
Bringing these things to conscious awareness is the first step in eliminating them. In fact, it's probaby 90% of the battle.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Accomplishments today 3-12-13
Today I started this blog, communicated with the school confirming the approval of my medical hardship withdrawal and I made 2 healthy drinks. I made a green smoothie at lunchtime with red chard and blueberries, and at dinner I made carrot juice. No exercise, today, but last night I took my daughter to a yoga class at the Y and I watched. At least it's a step in the right direction! The teacher warmly invited me and my husband to join her class. She also teaches Fiona's ballroom dance class, and we've been invited to join that too. So, maybe soon, I will try one of the classes. I feel to fat and too inhibited, but I will probably try the yoga class soon... You never know!
Referral by my counselor
When the director of my MA program at SU referred to me as "offensive" three times in one meeting, I knew the situation was at the breaking point. My logical mind was recognizing his tactic-to avoid any blame for misconduct or at the very least negligence where my academic program details were concerned-the one my first husband called "the best defense is a good attack." At the same time, the multiple double standards flaunted in the discussion made me feel sure they held all the cards and that I had no recourse. The situation was a classic victim/tyrant flare up, which produced a great deal of anxiety in me. So, immediately following that meeting, I scheduled extra therapy sessions with my counselor. Weekly counseling is a requirement of my academic program, but on this day, I asked my counselor if she had a way to assess me for depression. She quickly reached into a file and produced a paper copy of a questionnaire. I think she said it was the Beck Depression Inventory. After asking me every single question and tallying the results, she announced my score of 41, and then explained all the levels - 0-10, 11-20, 21-30, 31-40, and 41 and over- she told me I fell into the category of "extremely depressed."My counselor related her experience of taking antidepressants, and basically told me I needed medication ASAP, and that I should expect to be on them for at least a year.
Taking this bit of information to the next level, I went to see an MD at a local hospital, and came out with a prescription for Citalopram (Celexa). During our brief discussion, the Dr said there are several kinds of antidepressants that do different things with brain chemistry. Some increase dopamine, some increase serotonin, and rarely, some affect your norepinephrine. She said sometimes you need to try one for a while and see what it does, and that you may need to supplement with a second drug until you get the right mix. Just like they say in the commercials. So I say, "it's too bad there isn't some way to test your brain chemicals to see exactly what you need." The Dr nods her head with a crooked smile and says, "There really isn't." The suggested meds were Wellbutrin, which acts on your dopamines, Zoloft and Lexapro, a big favorite, both of which work on your serotnin. Lexapro is also very expensive (in excess of $100 per month for someone uninsured) and then she suggested the one I got, which is only $4.00 at Walmart. She swore it was very similar to Lexapro, but much more affordable. Not very logical, but okay... I am to take it for several weeks and then come back in for a check up. The dosage will most likely need to be increased a few times after I adjust, until we get to the right level for me.
I shared my concerns with the Dr, about how I had literally felt poisoned on an antidepressant 20 years ago (when I tried to drink on it, actually. I didn't tell her that part), and also how I had watched my neighbor lose her appetite, lose sleep and break out in sweats for three weeks while trying to adjust to Zoloft. Despite two positive stories from other women, I still had serious misgivings. But because one symptom of depression is difficulty making a decision, I took the prescription and thanked the doctor. On the way home, I had to drive right past my Naturopath's office. I knew, back when I worked at a progressive MDs office in California ten years ago, that there is a lab test that tests your neurotransmitter activity with urine samples. I stopped in and found out the tests range from $220 to about $350. And when you get the results back, you have at least a $90 visit with the Naturopath as she goes over the results and then tells you what supplements you need to bring up your levels. These are supplements, not psychotropic drugs. They will be more expensive, but I think it would put my mind at ease to see the test results and take supplements that act on exactly the things I am deficient in. The idea of playing a sort of crap shoot with psychotropic drugs that significantly change you and come with sometimes fatal side effects, has always made me very uncomfortable. So I walked out of the Naturopath's office with the least expensive test, for neurotransmitters only, no adrenals, no hormones, and will decide if I can make my well being important enough to write a $220 check.
One thing that really bothers me, though, is that this test has existed for over 10 years. Why does the AMA not recognize it? Why can't the docs test people before giving them these horrible drugs? I'm trying not to be too cynical, but it's hard not to doubt with the evidence of the lab test staring me in the face...
Taking this bit of information to the next level, I went to see an MD at a local hospital, and came out with a prescription for Citalopram (Celexa). During our brief discussion, the Dr said there are several kinds of antidepressants that do different things with brain chemistry. Some increase dopamine, some increase serotonin, and rarely, some affect your norepinephrine. She said sometimes you need to try one for a while and see what it does, and that you may need to supplement with a second drug until you get the right mix. Just like they say in the commercials. So I say, "it's too bad there isn't some way to test your brain chemicals to see exactly what you need." The Dr nods her head with a crooked smile and says, "There really isn't." The suggested meds were Wellbutrin, which acts on your dopamines, Zoloft and Lexapro, a big favorite, both of which work on your serotnin. Lexapro is also very expensive (in excess of $100 per month for someone uninsured) and then she suggested the one I got, which is only $4.00 at Walmart. She swore it was very similar to Lexapro, but much more affordable. Not very logical, but okay... I am to take it for several weeks and then come back in for a check up. The dosage will most likely need to be increased a few times after I adjust, until we get to the right level for me.
I shared my concerns with the Dr, about how I had literally felt poisoned on an antidepressant 20 years ago (when I tried to drink on it, actually. I didn't tell her that part), and also how I had watched my neighbor lose her appetite, lose sleep and break out in sweats for three weeks while trying to adjust to Zoloft. Despite two positive stories from other women, I still had serious misgivings. But because one symptom of depression is difficulty making a decision, I took the prescription and thanked the doctor. On the way home, I had to drive right past my Naturopath's office. I knew, back when I worked at a progressive MDs office in California ten years ago, that there is a lab test that tests your neurotransmitter activity with urine samples. I stopped in and found out the tests range from $220 to about $350. And when you get the results back, you have at least a $90 visit with the Naturopath as she goes over the results and then tells you what supplements you need to bring up your levels. These are supplements, not psychotropic drugs. They will be more expensive, but I think it would put my mind at ease to see the test results and take supplements that act on exactly the things I am deficient in. The idea of playing a sort of crap shoot with psychotropic drugs that significantly change you and come with sometimes fatal side effects, has always made me very uncomfortable. So I walked out of the Naturopath's office with the least expensive test, for neurotransmitters only, no adrenals, no hormones, and will decide if I can make my well being important enough to write a $220 check.
One thing that really bothers me, though, is that this test has existed for over 10 years. Why does the AMA not recognize it? Why can't the docs test people before giving them these horrible drugs? I'm trying not to be too cynical, but it's hard not to doubt with the evidence of the lab test staring me in the face...
Introduction
People have been able to tell by looking at me, for some time now, that I am pretty darned depressed. At grad school for a Mental Health degree in the last 2 years, I learned about one symptom of depression called "flat affect." It means having very little facial expression, being undemonstrative. I've had that all my life. In fact, I was dubbed at some point in my early childhood, "the great stone face." I have no trouble crying over everything, but laughing is another matter. I experienced most of life's greatest stressors before reaching adulthood- long term financial deprivation, losing a parent to divorce, the deaths of two immediate family members-a brother and my mother. I lost my family home, my beloved dog and nearly all possessions after my second parent died and we had to dissolve the estate. There was also early childhood sexual abuse by close friends of the family, a rape at summer camp and probably others I've blocked out, and, later, spousal abuse and spousal abandonment when my son was an infant and I was in my 20's.
For years, I have avoided taking pharmaceuticals for a few reasons.
One, antidepressants can be darned expensive when you don't have health insurance.
Two, I tried them once before about 20 years ago and felt like I was being poisoned.
Three, a spiritual leader I spoke to said the drugs effectively cut you off from the Divine, creating a barrier between you and the Light.
But my last reason is the one that I think affects me the most.
Four, my maternal grandmother and oldest brother both died from self-inflicted overdoses of pharmaceutical drugs.
Since then, I have had a pretty significant aversion to taking man made medications. In fact, I became a kind of crusader against pharmaceuticals, the industry, and consequently, allopathic medicine, because I saw MDs as glorified drug pushers and all of US society as victims/potential addicts.
I am sure it's beyond a doubt that there is something wrong chemically with me and some members of my family. I can't remember a time when I wasn't depressed, except for brief glimmers, in all of my 50+ years of living. I've done many alternative, holistic and metaphysical practices to temporarily pull myself out of the funk. Several things were effective for a time-
leaving a dangerous environment,
moving to a warmer, sunnier climate,
eliminating simple sugars including alcoholic drinks,
exercising vigorously,
chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo twice a day,
getting enough sleep,
making a concerted effort to observe my mind and not be held sway by it's thoughts and fears,
and doing years of hypno-therapeutic and psychic healing sessions that removed trauma from my energy field.
I worked assiduously at trying to feel good, and feel like I belonged on this planet, for decades. But as the years wore on and life events occurred, I feel like I have backslid considerably.For example, I have
willingly deprived myself of slee( or endured insomnia after my progesterone bottomed out)
worked at soul-destroying jobs for years, for fear of deprivation
stopped exercising
stopped chanting
started eating cookies again,
moved to the grayest region in the USA.
Now feel I cannot even begin to do any of those wonderful life-enhancing activities without help.
A recent incident took place that has become a catalyst for me. A conflict at my University program prompted me to seek an assessment for depression, and seriously consider, for the first time, a pharmaceutical solution. In addition, I learned a nephew is getting married in 8 months. There's nothing like a wedding to motivate a formerly svelte woman to start exercising again. But first I have to pull myself out of the depths.
I decided to do this blog as a journal of my experiences over the next few months. I hope to reapply many of the old methods I know, like sleeping more and chanting regularly and walking, and add new ones that have long been on my bucket list, like yoga and dancing, and add a few that I have blatantly avoided trying, namely some kind of a pill or magic bullet. I plan to investigate the path recommended by the AMA as well as a plan with my Naturopathic doctor. I don't know what will be the ultimate outcome, but my hope is that by my 52nd birthday and my nephew's wedding in November, I will be a new woman. I will be cheerful, smiling, energetic, 50 pounds slimmer, and maybe even outrageously successful in my chosen field. Not too overwhelming, is it? Please stay tuned and see how it goes. I appreciate the company!
For years, I have avoided taking pharmaceuticals for a few reasons.
One, antidepressants can be darned expensive when you don't have health insurance.
Two, I tried them once before about 20 years ago and felt like I was being poisoned.
Three, a spiritual leader I spoke to said the drugs effectively cut you off from the Divine, creating a barrier between you and the Light.
But my last reason is the one that I think affects me the most.
Four, my maternal grandmother and oldest brother both died from self-inflicted overdoses of pharmaceutical drugs.
Since then, I have had a pretty significant aversion to taking man made medications. In fact, I became a kind of crusader against pharmaceuticals, the industry, and consequently, allopathic medicine, because I saw MDs as glorified drug pushers and all of US society as victims/potential addicts.
I am sure it's beyond a doubt that there is something wrong chemically with me and some members of my family. I can't remember a time when I wasn't depressed, except for brief glimmers, in all of my 50+ years of living. I've done many alternative, holistic and metaphysical practices to temporarily pull myself out of the funk. Several things were effective for a time-
leaving a dangerous environment,
moving to a warmer, sunnier climate,
eliminating simple sugars including alcoholic drinks,
exercising vigorously,
chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo twice a day,
getting enough sleep,
making a concerted effort to observe my mind and not be held sway by it's thoughts and fears,
and doing years of hypno-therapeutic and psychic healing sessions that removed trauma from my energy field.
I worked assiduously at trying to feel good, and feel like I belonged on this planet, for decades. But as the years wore on and life events occurred, I feel like I have backslid considerably.For example, I have
willingly deprived myself of slee( or endured insomnia after my progesterone bottomed out)
worked at soul-destroying jobs for years, for fear of deprivation
stopped exercising
stopped chanting
started eating cookies again,
moved to the grayest region in the USA.
Now feel I cannot even begin to do any of those wonderful life-enhancing activities without help.
A recent incident took place that has become a catalyst for me. A conflict at my University program prompted me to seek an assessment for depression, and seriously consider, for the first time, a pharmaceutical solution. In addition, I learned a nephew is getting married in 8 months. There's nothing like a wedding to motivate a formerly svelte woman to start exercising again. But first I have to pull myself out of the depths.
I decided to do this blog as a journal of my experiences over the next few months. I hope to reapply many of the old methods I know, like sleeping more and chanting regularly and walking, and add new ones that have long been on my bucket list, like yoga and dancing, and add a few that I have blatantly avoided trying, namely some kind of a pill or magic bullet. I plan to investigate the path recommended by the AMA as well as a plan with my Naturopathic doctor. I don't know what will be the ultimate outcome, but my hope is that by my 52nd birthday and my nephew's wedding in November, I will be a new woman. I will be cheerful, smiling, energetic, 50 pounds slimmer, and maybe even outrageously successful in my chosen field. Not too overwhelming, is it? Please stay tuned and see how it goes. I appreciate the company!
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